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Aric
Weber
Hollandaise |
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Elmer sat quietly staring into his Eggs Benedict. If he looked hard enough he could see the turmoil that the eggs shared with the ham, or back bacon, or Canadian bacon, the constant struggle for taste supremacy that the English muffin had given up on ages ago. And yet, no matter how valiantly egg or ham fought, Hollandaise always won. He would've rather been anywhere but here. Here in this booth, at this table with these round edges and soft padded seats. Drinking alone in his dorm room: that sounded good. Reading alone in his dorm room: that sounded good. Watching a movie alone in a theater: that sounded good. Being alone: that sounded good. Being with Karen: that sounded good.
He shut his eyes tightly when he thought of this. He shouldn't have thought of this. He needed clutter. Something to take his mind off of everything. Maybe he needed to be in a room full of people. People who were talking. Yeah, talking a lot. An AA meeting: that’s where I should be. He didn't think he had a drinking problem, he just wanted to hear people's sad stories: sadder stories.
Roger was late. Roger was usually late so Elmer had ordered without him. Elmer usually ordered without him, but always waited until Roger was there to start eating. He didn't know why he did this. Roger was really late. Elmer hoped for an instant that Roger had forgotten and then slammed his eyes tight around the wish, killing it instantly. No, this needed to be discussed. Someone had to say something. Christ, they were best friends. This had to be repaired; he couldn't keep bottling it up. He had to accept what had happened. What had happened? Elmer opened his eyes wide, took a deep breath and took a sip of his complimentary water:
It had been a week ago today. Monday. Wine day. To start out every week Elmer, Roger and Karen would “Drink like poets!” A bottle of wine apiece, a notepad and comfort. Elmer only felt comfortable on Wine Day. Not asleep or in the tub, not even when he went home for Christmas every year. He knew why too: Roger, Karen and him were like a three-piece jigsaw puzzle. Roger loved the fact that Elmer and Karen had hit it off so well. Elmer knew because Roger had told him so when Karen and Roger had started dating.
“So what do you think of her?” Roger asked when Karen and Roger had started dating.
“She's cool,” and Elmer meant it.
“Real1y?”
“Yeah man,” and Elmer meant this too.
“Wow, I think this is my first girlfriend that you've liked,” and Roger meant this, and it was true. Elmer didn't like any of Roger's girls. But who did? Elmer always thought. Karen was different. It was like Elmer and her had grown up together. They wrestled, tussled each other's hair, they even talked about bodily functions. Elmer felt weird talking about that stuff with anyone, let alone a girl.
Within a few weeks of Roger meeting Karen, and even less time after Roger had introduced Karen to Elmer, they'd decided to have a Wine Day. Drinking sub-par wines and reciting poems off the tops of their heads: what a great, relaxing week-opener. Every Monday, with bottles in tow and notepads in hand, they danced deep into the park. They always went past the playground, past the pond and back to where the creek ran through. They'd then stop while Karen and Roger made the first toast of the night. It took Elmer a few drinks to get cookin’. That night was different though. That night, a week ago today. Something was in the air, or in the creek, or in the wine.
Roger: Three with drink and love in heart,
Pause to think on moments past,
And say, to two, when it turns their part,
Karen: And lay their worries on the grass,
Where they’ll feed the love, mentioned before,
Elmer: And open wide our eyes once more.
Elmer had finished the toast. Karen and Roger looked at each other and smiled as Elmer raised his bottle to his lips. He had been as surprised as they had been. Something was in the air. Karen and Roger more or less worked out the toast as they walked to the park, but this was something different–
"Are you with me there, buddy?” Roger had finally shown up.
“Wha-, yeah,'' Elmer said as he snapped back into this world where Hollandaise always won.
“Eggs Benedict. Fuck!” Roger opened his own menu. Elmer looked again at his plate, then back at Roger.
Why is he looking at the menu, Elmer thought. He always gets the same thing anyway.
“Biscuits and gravy, hon?” Even the waitress knows it.
“You know it, F1o,” Roger said, grinning.
“You'll be lucky if you get anything if you keep that up. ‘S a good thing you're so adorable.’” The waitress skittered off to place his order. How did he do it? Was it the eye contact?
“So what's going on, man?” Roger asked like he didn't know. Elmer just shrugged and looked back down at his plate. “Karen's not gonna come to Wine Day, tonight. She says she's sick, but I think she's weirded out by what happened last week.” Elmer fired a glance at Roger when he heard this. “And I suppose we should talk about it.”
“You and her,” Elmer asked.
“Well, that too, but I meant me and you,” Roger looked Elmer right in the eye when he said this, and Elmer looked straight at his Eggs Benedict, again.
“Yeah,” was all Elmer could manage.
“So what do you think?” Roger leaned in and hushed his voice as he questioned. Elmer just shrugged. “Come on, man. What do you think we should do?” Roger was getting nowhere.
Finally, after tremendous effort and five minutes of being broken down by a leering Roger, Elmer said, “I think that we three need to sit down and talk.”
“Well, yeah, no offense to Karen, but me and you were friends before I even met her, so I wanna make sure we're okay. Are we okay?”
“Yeah,” Elmer said. I think Elmer thought.
“You sure, man, ‘cause I know how you stew over things. I don't want you saying that we're okay and then you acting all weird the next time we're all together.”
“No, no, man, I won't act weird, I'm just . . . I just still can't believe it happened.” And how such a little thing had changed so much. Elmer couldn't believe it. People do it all the time. He'd seen movies.
“We1l, it happened. You get enough wine in ya and anything can happen.” Roger was right. It was the wine. Karen wasn't in the right frame of mind; why else would she want to do that? Why else would she want to do me? Elmer wondered.
“I'm bringing Chuang Tzu, tonight. I think you'll like it,” Roger was looking at a mosquito bite on his arm.
Is there something else there? Would it have mattered if it was any guy and Roger or did she want me and didn’t know how that could happen without involving Roger?
"When do you want to get going?”
Why did I go that night? Why didn’t I stay home and do that German homework like I should've? Goddamnit!
“You know what? I don't think I've ever had Eggs Benedict, maybe I’ll ask Florence if I can change quick–”
“Her name is Bernice, and here have mine! I don't want them. They're fucking cold because I had to wait for your late-ass for a half an hour!” Elmer was shouting. The whole diner stopped. Froze mid-chew, mid-drink, mid-smoke. Bernice came around the corner and asked if everything was alright. Roger said that it was and she left them alone. Once the diner began to breathe again, Roger began:
“Dude, what was that?”
“You just never call her by her right name, and she treats you like Gallant.” Elmer wasn't crying, but he was close. “I never use any name at all, and she treats me like Goofus.”
“Dude, c'mon man what was that really?” Roger knew her name was Bernice. It was on her nametag.
“I don't know.” Elmer's mouth was getting dry.
“Listen, our friendship is more important to me than Karen. If you want I’ll tell her that we–”
“What?” Elmer's face was bright red. He could've killed Roger. “Why would you ever do that? Why would you even think of that?” Elmer stood up light-headed and marched out the front door of the diner. He walked all the way home. Never crying.
Back at the diner, Roger sat amazed. He couldn't figure out what he had done. He knew the waitress' name; it was Bernice. It was on her nametag. The same nametag she always wore, every week.
Roger sat looking down at the table for a while. Eventually his gaze moved to the Eggs Benedict. While going over what had just happened in his head, he absent-mindedly began to eat. They were cold, but actually not that bad.